I Want the Baby But I Don’t Want Him

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I Want the Baby But I Don’t Want Him

Finding out you’re pregnant can stir up a lot of emotions.  Joy, fear, confusion, worry, or excitement, to name a few. Having a baby is a big responsibility and brings challenges with it, but it can also be an amazing experience to raise and nurture a child.  But what do you do when you want the baby, but you don’t want to be in a relationship with the father? It can seem like you’re trapped in the relationship once a baby is in the picture, but that’s not the case.  Keep reading for some best practices on how to navigate this situation, and then call Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center to set up a free consultation on your options today.

Wayne, NJ – 973-238-9045
Hackensack, NJ – 201-501-8876
Paterson, NJ – 862-257-3820

Focus on What’s Best for You and Your Child

As a mother, you’re responsible for your child’s well-being and making sure he or she is cared for, but you also need to make sure you’re supported as well.  If you don’t feel like the father is willing or able to provide the support that you or your baby will require, then staying in a relationship with him probably isn’t the best idea.  

Finding a Support Base

Deciding you don’t want a relationship with your baby’s father doesn’t mean you will raise your child alone.  Being a single parent can be challenging, but with a support base in place, it can be rewarding as well. Start with having honest conversations with your close friends and family.  Let them know what you have decided and be transparent about the help and support you are going to need. Getting involved in a single mothers support group is another option, as well as talking with a counselor or your doctor about what to expect and getting their advice on your situation.  

The most important thing to remember is that you have options, and that support is just a phone call or text away.  At Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center, our door is always open to answer any questions you might have and process through all of your options – and emotions – with you.  We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Deciding His Involvement

The next step is going to be figuring out what level of involvement you want the father to have in the pregnancy, birth, and raising of your child.  Every relationship is different and has unique circumstances, but here are some things to consider:

  • Will his involvement in your pregnancy and what comes after be an asset to you, or will it be a source of stress?

  • Will his involvement in the child’s life be safe and beneficial to his or her development and upbringing?

  • Is co-parenting an option?  Can you see the father being able/willing to have a healthy influence and relationship with your child?

  • What are your state’s laws around parental rights and how will that impact your decision?

Having the Conversation

Once you’ve thought through what you want the father’s involvement to look like, it’s time for the hardest part: having the conversation with him.  It’s best to preface it by setting up a time to talk beforehand and not having a spur of the moment decision to talk. Think through what you want to say to him (maybe even write it down!) and try to anticipate what his reaction might be, so you can be prepared for how to respond.  The most important thing to convey in your talk with him is that you’re making the decision that you think will be best for you and your child. 

There’s no way to tell what his reaction will be, but being surprised or upset are two of the most common.  It’s important to let him have time to process, and to take time to listen to what he has to say. If it becomes clear that you aren’t able to talk about this in a rational manner, it may be best to put the conversation on hold for a few days until the initial emotional shock has worn off and you can discuss the matter with clear heads.

Establishing Boundaries

After you’ve both had some time to process, it’s time to have another conversation about what the father’s ongoing involvement will look like.  You’ll need to establish some healthy boundaries and hold each other accountable to keeping them. Be sure to listen to his point of view and what his wishes are, and express yours to him as well.  Try to remain objective and separate your personal feelings about the father from his relationship with your child.

Take your time; not everything needs to be decided at once.  If you need someone to talk to, or someone to help you navigate these sensitive conversations, we are here for you.  At Lighthouse Pregnancy Resource Center, we offer free consultations for pregnancy and parenting options, provide resources to help you on this new journey, and above all, are here to listen and provide you with the support and love you need.  Give us a call, text us at 201-677-2394, or visit us online to schedule your free consultation today.

Wayne, NJ – 973-238-9045
Hackensack, NJ – 201-501-8876
Paterson, NJ – 862-257-3820

Additional Resources:

https://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/child-custody-summaries-of-state-laws.html