23 Feb Do I Have to Tell My Partner I Want an Abortion?
Having an unplanned pregnancy that you want to terminate may be a hard thing to talk about. Legally speaking, you are not required to talk to your partner about your consideration for an abortion. However, that doesn’t mean that morally you are off the hook.
Your partner has an equal share in the DNA of the pregnancy growing within your womb, and may be crushed if you go through an abortion experience without notifying
Before you decide to withhold the news, here are a few things to do:
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Imagine that the tables were turned. Would you be sad to discover that your partner felt that they couldn’t come to you with a decision as big as an abortion?
He may not feel the same way about abortion as you do, but that doesn’t mean he should be left in the dark. He is, and always will be, involved in this unplanned pregnancy. Having a secret abortion will not undo what has already happened. If he did find out later, it might be much harder than it would be for him to find out now.
Research Your Facts About Abortion
Part of the reason you may be hesitating to talk to your partner is a fear that may make you change your mind. Maybe you don’t want to be talked out of it.
But the best way to feel more confident is to do thorough research ahead of time, so you can have a well-informed conversation.
Here are some questions you should seek out:
- What are the risks of the abortion pill?
- What are the risks of a surgical abortion?
- Can you afford the hundreds or potentially thousands of dollars it will cost to have an abortion?
- Does the clinic you are considering have a high rate for complications and 911 calls?
- Would adoption be a better and more cost effective option? Could you use the financial aid that often comes with choosing adoption?
- Would adoption make your partner feel more at peace in the long run? Perhaps he could still have contact with your child in the future if he chose to, but you would not have to.
- Would adoption give your pregnancy meaning and purpose?
- Is parenting totally out of the question? What resources are available to you if you decide to continue your pregnancy and parent your child?
Plan Ahead on What You Want to Say
After you have done research, you can confidently come to a conversation with your partner having educated answers to his questions.
Plan a time to meet and let him know in advance that the topic is on how you want to proceed with your pregnancy. This way it won’t be a total shock at a random time when he comes home exhausted from work or school.
It would be helpful for you to think through how you can make him feel heard, and consider his feelings, while still sharing your perspective. Be willing to listen. You do not have to let his opinion sway you, but it might be wise to be open to hearing his ideas.
Provide time for him to digest what you are saying before you expect a response.
Consider Your Need for Support
If you move forward with an abortion and do not tell your partner, you may miss out on an opportunity to find support.
Being open with your boyfriend about where you are at will give him the opportunity to be there for you. And if you decide to go with the option of adoption or parenting, it will be a choice that you made together.
At our center, we also offer supportive counseling. We would be happy to talk more about abortion with you and your partner, and answer your questions. We can also talk to you more about adoption and parenting, and provide resources that might help.
Let us come alongside you and help. Call us today to schedule a no-cost consultation.